After what seemed like the longest couple days of my life, my little buddy is here. Megan labored for 12 hours and then had to do a C-section since his heart rate kept dropping for some reason. Watching Megan get hooked up and having to wait for what seemed like an eternity outside of surgury was horrible. My mind kept going through all the worst scenarios. Once I got in there to hold her hand I felt a little better while in the back of my mind I was pledging to God to kill everyone in the room if they didn't bring her back to me OK.

Hearing your cry for the first time was the most relieving sound I've ever heard. Once I saw that he was healthy and Megan was OK, I was able to finally take a breath. ​I wasn't able to hold you but I watched as they cleaned Owen up and made sure all his vitals were good. I was fascinated by how tiny he was and marveling at what God gave me. It was the most surreal experience. That's MY kid...and I'm going to take him home and he'll grow up and have kids of his own one day. It was like I saw his whole future in an instant. 

Once we got you back to the room and I was able to hold you I couldn't be happier. From that moment on I was his forever. No matter how loud he cried (and boy can he be loud when he's mad), and no matter how gross your diapers were...I loved the little guy more than anything in the world. 

There is truly nothing better in life than having your son fall asleep on your chest. I know it won't last forever, but I'll cherish every second of it.

It has been quite an adventure the past 2 weeks. We closed on our old house on the 22nd and had to be out by Saturday at 5 since our buyers are sadistic and don't mind making us homeless. The loan process was a nightmare with North Salem bank so we weren't able to close on both houses the same day. Somehow (and with the help of lots of friends & family) we were able to get everything packed and moved into the house in Chestnut Hills fairly smoothly.

We've already been hard at work painting and doing a bunch of upgrades to the new place to make it ours. And now the real adventure begins...

I'm typing this while waiting on my little man to make his grand appearance. I can't wait to meet him! All this work has been for him (and his mom). I've been thinking all this time I could finally relax if the house sold, we got the loan, we got moved in, or if we got the house all ready. The reality is that I won't relax until my little man is a grown man and even then it'll be questionable.

We may not have a name picked for you yet, but I can't believe I'm just hours from holding you for the first time. I have so many dreams for you but the one that trumps all others is this:

I pray that no matter what life throws at you, you will never take your eyes off the One that has the power over all of it.

These past few weeks I've really doubted that God was even real or if he even cared whether we were homeless or not. With everything that didn't go according to my perfect (i.e. comfortable & convenient) plans, He never stopped looking out for us. Don't forget that. He doesn't care whether or not you're comfortable or if it's convenient for you. He wants you to grow and be stronger than before.

It's the one lesson I couldn't learn the easy way. Trust God to see you through the storm because it doesn't matter if you can't see the shore. He can see it all and he will never let you drown even if all you see is the crashing waves.

I won't be the best dad at times as much as I hope I would. I will fail you.

I love you more than you can imagine and I can't wait to meet you!

Your dad,
Joel

Well I figured having a baby just wasn't enough change so I got a new job at eImagine on the northside of Indy. Having finished my first week which has included two night of 3+ hour maintenance and client projects, I'm having serious doubts about the decision I've made. I thought for years Emmis was going down the drain (which is probably still true), but I definitely took for granted a lot of the nice-to-haves that I don't have anymore. 8+ year old servers, consumer-grade laptops, no Group Policies to speak of, no documentation, tiny cubes are now my new reality. At least I'm making more money, but the health care coverage is garbage so it's almost a wash. Hopefully I can turn things around and clean up the mess the previous sysadmin left me but it's going to be a long...long road. Hopefully I don't burn out before I get to the promised land.

In much better news...

Here he is in all of his glory:

The current names in the running are Owen, Eli, Elias, Elijah, Liam, and Titus. I'm a fan of Titus personally since it just sounds cool & it's Biblical. Megan's a fan of Owen, so sorry buddy, she's going to win on this one. 

We're also thinking of putting the house up for sale since the new gig is a 45-minute drive away. Thank God the 23-year old me refinanced at 3.1% for 15 years but getting everything ready to show the house is about to give me an ulcer. Hopefully we can find something semi-affordable on the north side but I have my doubts.

As excited as I am to hold my boy for the first time, I hope he stays in there long enough for me to get things figured out.  I'm both excited and terrified of having  at the same time. I can't imagine having a kid to take care of in the midst of all this chaos surrounding me. I really hope I'm a good father. I have serious doubts about my ability but hopefully God will fill in the gaps.

All of my family is thinking he's going to be a redhead like me, but coming from years of experience as a ginger, I pray to God he has mercy on this child and makes him have blonde/brown hair. This kid is already cursed by getting my genes, but let's hope Megan's genes win out.

Megan is really showing these days and seeing the 2nd ultrasound with him wiggling all around and his hands touching his face is the most surreal & awesome experience I've ever felt. There was this overwhelming feeling of wanting to protect and provide for my little guy. I have all of these hopes for him and hope I can teach him to avoid all of the pain in this world. As long as I can teach him to make Christ his Father, he'll turn out fine. No matter the world throws at my son, Christ will be right there with him even when I can't protect him.

Father, please give me the wisdom to be a father and the strength to hang on when the storms of life come. This storm will surely pass and at the end of the clouds my baby boy is there waiting for me to show him how to be a man.

I love you so much son!

-Joel

(P.S. Your mom can't wait for you to stop kicking her bladder. If you could stop, that'd be great.)