Joel Clark
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Joel Clark

learning to trust fall

The dream

4/3/2015

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Not very often do I have really vivid dreams but this one I don't think I'll ever forget. I got to talk to my 10 year old daughter, Emma. If you don't know, my wife Megan loves the name Emma Faye. As much as I think it sounds like a little girl from Dixie, I do like Emma by itself.
I've been doubting my ability to be a father in light of my lack of experience in being around children longer than a few hours at most. Heck, I get tired of our dog's antics but at least I can send her to her cage. I feel hopelessly inadequate to handle the daily frustrations of being a parent.

In my dream this beautiful girl told me I was a good dad and she wouldn't want anyone else to be her dad. Whether or not we have a girl named Emma, that dream helped my anxiety subside just a little bit.

Oh and you made your mom throw up on her birthday. Thanks for that kiddo. Still, I love you.

For those interested, here's Megan's birthday present [not pictured: flowers, card, & ice cream]:
Picture
-Joel
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Becoming a DAD

4/1/2015

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There are very few things in life that force you to stop in your tracks and re-evaluate your life. This is one of those.

It's exciting, motivating, terrifying, and overwhelming all at the same time. A thousand doubts and questions pop up with no answers in sight. I just pray that I learn enough in 9 months to have some semblance of a good father. If there's one thing I've learned in all of this it's this:
God does not care about your 5 year plan. His plan is not yours and His plan will win every time.
Please pray I don't screw this up. I'm sure every parent from the beginning of time felt like this and it's still not quite real yet. I imagine that first scream will shock my system back into the reality of it all. Hopefully between then and now I can read enough books/Youtube videos to have some semblance of parental knowledge.
In the mean time, I'll be getting Megan some water, ice cream/Popsicle, or another pillow.
God help me now.
-Joel
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    Joel Clark

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